Calming a nervous system
set on high alert

Some people are born with bouncier nervous systems

There are big individual differences in how much reactivity happens when a challenge shows up. We all have this very automatic emotional system, called the Autonomic Nervous System. It responds to challenges ranging from weight lifting to running or fighting for your life. It reacts whenever you need it — and sometimes when you don't.

You may have always had a pretty reactive nervous system. Or you may have had experiences that caused your emotional brain to get set on high alert. We'll discover what has got you on edge, sleeping poorly, maybe having a lot of pain that isn't going away, or trouble with digestion.

What we do for anxiety

We have a lot of things to do that help with anxiety. We use CBT and all forms of biofeedback and we teach muscle relaxation skills, and simple forms of meditation — like simply sitting and counting your breaths as they go by. We get it if like many you've "tried meditation and couldn't do it." The idea is not to somehow clear your mind. The idea is to persistently notice when your attention has wandered off into busy thoughts, be happy that you noticed, and bring your attention back to watching your breath come and go.

Meditation also doesn't have to take huge amounts of time. 20 minutes a few times a week will make a difference. Daily meditation will make a difference faster. You can also put up some stickers on everyday things and use them as reminders to just slow your breathing down for a minute or two — deliberately, mindfully.

Heart Rate Variability (HRV)

When a person is breathing slowly and doesn't feel challenged, their heart rate speeds up each time they inhale, and drops smoothly with each exhale. This is called "heart rate variability." HRV gets larger and smaller, with the swings in heart rate getting larger and smoother when a person is feeling safe and unchallenged — don't try to get the breathing "just right!" That's a challenge.

HRV is the best indicator that you are in the "parasympathetic" state — the state in which you feel comfortable, and in which your digestion, immune system, and creativity all work better. It is the complement to "sympathetic" arousal, the so-called "fight/flight/freeze" state. In reality, sympathetic activation happens when you are challenged in any way, including during sports, hard work, and intense engagement with a task. You feel it as the "adrenalin rush" — and it is just fine. However, living in that state most of the time isn't just fine. So it is important to learn how to back off that excited state that's designed for responding to challenges, and find the relax/rebuild/create state that is measured objectively by HRV. We routinely use HRV biofeedback to help people learn to find this pleasant and healing state.

Meditation on the breath

Meditation is simply noticing the present moment — observing your immediate experience without judging it or thinking about it. Attending to the exact present moment is a skill, often called mindfulness. The breath makes an ideal object of attention: you carry it with you everywhere, it's always happening, and it's endlessly interesting.

The practice: sit comfortably upright, begin noticing your breath coming and going, and when you notice your attention has wandered — to thoughts, sounds, plans, anything — gently return it to the breath. That returning is not a failure. It is the practice. Many people decide they "can't do" meditation because the mind keeps wandering. The mind almost never becomes perfectly quiet, and that is not the goal. The meditation is in the noticing.

Autogenic training

We also use "autogenic" training a lot — this is a lovely old method in which you make a relaxation recording for yourself using a script we give you. You settle back, turn on a voice recorder, then read the first calming thought. Then take three very slow, easy breaths. Then read the next statement. Later on, listen to the recording, circulate the ideas as you hear yourself say them. Click here to see and/or download the script.

Progressive Muscle Relaxation (PMR)

This process was originally developed in the 1930s by Edmund Jacobson, a physician working in Chicago. He noticed that most of his patients were suffering from the results of chronic stress and tension. Progressive relaxation teaches you to notice the small amounts of tension you carry and lets you learn to switch off the unnecessary tension. As you practice tensing just a little bit in one muscle group at a time, then switching it off as best you can, you'll find you start noticing unnecessary tension and having an easier time switching it off. This will give you a more comfortable and energetic feeling all day long.

Jacobson taught the importance of observing the actual sensations of low levels of muscle tension — and the actual pleasant, rewarding feelings of relief and release as you let go of tension. This is not about imagining feeling relaxed. It is about creating just enough tightness to actually be able to feel it — then deliberately switching it off. I learned this method from one of Jacobson's students, Dr. Paul Lehrer, and commonly teach it to my patients. Paul emphasized, as Jacobson did, that it is important to create "just enough" tension to be able to feel it - not to "make a really tight fist" as is often taught. The idea is to train yourself gradually to be able to notice and switch off the little tensions that creep in during anyone's busy day.

Please remember not to be annoyed at yourself when you notice tension came back a few minutes after you dropped it. Tensing is a habit. It takes a while to create a new habit of being relaxed while driving, talking, working at whatever you do. Be happy when you notice you're tensed up again. Before practicing PMR you were tense and didn't particularly notice it until perhaps you were in pain with a headache, or neck ache.

I made a recording of the method that guides you through most of the major muscle groups, offered here for free:

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